A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field. "
"You must be an engineer", says the balloonist.
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault. "
Showing posts with label corporate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label corporate. Show all posts
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Corporate lessons
CORPORATE LESSON #1:
_______________________________
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, The wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, The next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 Just to Drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands n*ked in front of Bob.
Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
_______________________________
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Share critical credit information with your Stakeholders to Prevent Avoidable exposure!
************************************************
_______________________________
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
_______________________________
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The Nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the Church, the Priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find Glory."
_______________________________
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job; or, you might Miss great Opportunities!
************************************************
_______________________________
CORPORATE LESSON # 3
_______________________________
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they Rubbed the Bottle, a genie appears.
Thankful that the 4 guys had Released him Out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 Swimming pools,
I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and Jump, you shout What you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a Pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the Pool when Suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards The pool
And shouted, "CRAP !!!!!!!........."
_______________________________
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.
************************************************
_______________________________
CORPORATE LESSON # 4
_______________________________
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a paper shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing Work?"
"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine."I just need one copy."
_______________________________
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Never, ever assume that your BOSS knows everything.
_______________________________
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, The wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, The next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 Just to Drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands n*ked in front of Bob.
Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
_______________________________
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Share critical credit information with your Stakeholders to Prevent Avoidable exposure!
************************************************
_______________________________
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
_______________________________
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The Nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the Church, the Priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find Glory."
_______________________________
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job; or, you might Miss great Opportunities!
************************************************
_______________________________
CORPORATE LESSON # 3
_______________________________
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they Rubbed the Bottle, a genie appears.
Thankful that the 4 guys had Released him Out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 Swimming pools,
I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and Jump, you shout What you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a Pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the Pool when Suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards The pool
And shouted, "CRAP !!!!!!!........."
_______________________________
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.
************************************************
_______________________________
CORPORATE LESSON # 4
_______________________________
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a paper shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing Work?"
"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine."I just need one copy."
_______________________________
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Never, ever assume that your BOSS knows everything.
Baby's Delivery according to Corporate World
1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly...
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.
2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly...
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The corporate love letter
In today's world of MBA's, the old fashioned Love-Letter is being replaced by such 'Corporate' Love-Letters, go ahead and read on.
Dearest Ms. _____,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you. Since the 25th of December 2008. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 24 th of December 2008 at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of all your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without any further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation.
Dearest Ms. _____,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you. Since the 25th of December 2008. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 24 th of December 2008 at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of all your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without any further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation.
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