Some funny definitions

• कार्यालय : वह स्थान जहां आप घर के तनावों से मुक्ति पाकर विश्राम कर सकते हैं।
• समिति : ऐसे व्यक्ति जो अकेले कुछ नहीं कर सकते, परंतु यह निर्णय मिलकर करते हैं कि साथ साथ कुछ नहीं किया जा सकता।

Sweetmaker's Love Letter

Mithaiwala husband writes love letter to his wife:

Hello my dearest Rasgulli
Whenever I see your eyes I miss my Ras Malai
Your cheeks are like Strawberry Barfi,
Your lips are like Pendaas
Ears are like Kaju Katri ,
You taste like Kesri Jalebi
Your lovely smile looks like a packet of Ghund Paak
and to end it all, because of U, now I have diabetes

Software love letter

Hi gud morning
Sweetheart,
I've seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and
realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time
I've been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a
real debugger for me now.
My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an
executable code and hence is useless.
You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are
attractive as well.
Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power
equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program
modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /*which I never
experienced before.*/
With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked
together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a
human being to live an error free life.
Also don't bother about the firewall which may be created by our
parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break
their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage.
I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so
that my connect script will fail.
And it's all but certain that if
this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.
Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of
your inbox. Error free...

Mathematician Love Letter

My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with your cute circular face,
conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your
triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set,
but when a vector of magnitude (likeness)
from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians
made a tangent to my heart,it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real
roots,
which only you can solve by making
good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial
functions but if I do so, you can integrate me.

Love letter in form of questionaire and reply to it

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.


*My Dearest **Reshma*,


Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options


(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.


1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:


(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?


**********


2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me
because:


(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile


**********


3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped
singing because:


(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song


**********


4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide
it because:


(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know


**********


5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and
you took only my friend's because:


(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know


**********


6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...


(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded


**********


7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:


(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them


**********


8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on
your head because:


(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose


**********


9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M
because:


(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.


**********


If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. *Don't delay in
expressing it.*


If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's
getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in
confusion whether to love me or not.


Eagerly awaiting your reply..
*Love*, Akshay



Reshma's reply letter was also in *Q/A format*........


*Akshay*,


Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.


**********


1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class,
sees them.


(a) Yes (b) No


**********


2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?


(a) Yes (b) No


**********


3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop
singing or not?


(a) Yes (b) No


**********


4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.


You poked your nose inside..... Right ?


(a) Yes (b) No


**********


5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?


(a) Yes (b) No


**********


6) Should I not wait for my best friend (*Anjali*) at the bus stand?


(a)Yes (b) No


**********


7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?


(a) Yes (b) No


**********


8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it
true ?


(a) Yes (b) No


**********


9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. *I come
daily to Temple*. Do you know ?


(a) Yes (b) No


If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you.
If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.


*Hope everything is clear to you*.

Might is Right

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three
of them died.


Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to
HELL.

Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the
three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all
misused public positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation
before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or
pre-conceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an
English test.

PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and
thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another
chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi wou ld
provide an equal platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily an
passes.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.... ."

Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.


Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in hist ory

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not
take any more tests.

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?" He replied "1947"
and passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence
struggle?"

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or
200,000 or 300,000.

Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.
'

'

'

'

'

'

'

'

'

'

Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who
died in the struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Personality test

Personality Definitions probable in-built characteristic

OUTGOING PERSONALITY Always going out of the office
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ALSO ACTIVE SOCIALLY Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES Is tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT Lucky one
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR Knows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDED Must be Back Stabber
LOYAL Can't get a job anywhere else

4 Management lessons

* Lesson Number One *

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


* Lesson Number Two *

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


* Lesson Number Three *

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the sh*t!

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!


* Lesson Number Four *

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons Summary:

1. Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3. When you're in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut!
I m not a STRANGER,
M just a Friend u haven't met!! :D

Test yourself

So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer.



OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin. WELL, MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!



1. What do you put in a toaster?

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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.



*******


2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?


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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.

It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water"


then proceed to question 3.



*******



3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?


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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said "glass,"

then! go on to Question 4.



*********


4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany(If you will recall, Germanyat the time was politically divided into West Germanyand East Germany.)


Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germanyand West Germany.

Where would you bury the survivors? East Germanyor West Germanyor in "no man's land"?


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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,

you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors",

then proceed to the next question.


*********


5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Londonto MilfordHaven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.

In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.

In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at MilfordHaven. What was the name of the bus driver?


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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!


********


Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.


(PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions!!)

Promotion test

The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant Slot available.

The colonel called the first candidate his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1500, what would you do?"

The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging. "

"You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted.

The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate.

"Sir," said the next Lt., "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . "

"You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.

The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate.

Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, "Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole in front of HQ by 1500!"

"You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.

Bath tub test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and
this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum,
a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether
or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"

Pregnancy test

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"

Hindi Translations of English Words. (Hindi)

CRICKET: Gol guttam lakad battam de danadan pratiyogita

CRICKETTESTMATCH: Pakaddandu, maarmandu, de danaa dan pratiyogita

TABLETENNIS: Lakdi ke phalak shetra pe le takaa tak de takaa tak

LAWNTENNIS: Harit Ghaas par le tada tad, de tada tad

LIGHTBULB: Vidyut Prakashak Kanch golak

TIE: Kanth Langoti

MATCHBOX: Ragdam patti Agni Utpaadan Peti

TRAFFICSIGNAL: Aavat Jaavat Suchak Jhandaa

TEA: Dugdh Jal Mishrit Sharkara Yukt Parvatiya(pahaadi) Booti

TRAIN: Sahasra Chakra Louh Path Gaamini

ALLROUTEPASS: Yatr Tatr Sarvatr Gaman Aagya Patr

RAILWAYSIGNAL: Loh Path Gamini Suchak Yantra, Agni Rath Aava Gaman Soochak Pattika, Louh path gaamini aawa gaman suchak yantra

RAILWAYSTATION: Bhabhka Adda, Agni-rathViraam sthal, Vidyut-rath Viraamsthal

BUTTON: Ast Vyast Vastra Niyantrak

MOSQUITO: Gunjan haari Manav Rakt Pipasu Jeev

CIGARETTE: Shweta patra mandit dhumra shalakha

Bhai's Matrimonial Advt. (Hindi)

Salam,


Apun Pakia!!! Umar 30 saal, wajan 80 killo aur 6 phoot
height kya! Abhi woh bole to kya hai na ki apun ko bhi
life me settle hone ka maangta, isi liye yeah
advertisement apun paper me chaap re la hai...



Maanta hai apun Tapori hai bahut log ka pungi bajayela
hai magar kya hai naa apun ka bhi ijjat hai baap
markit me!!! apun ko public bhai bolati
hai woh bhi ijjat se!



Saaal ka 5/6 peti to apun aaram
se kama leta hai...



Ab chokiri apun ko aisi chahiye, bole to ek dam jhakas,
ek dam pataka...
thoda padi likhi hogi to chale ga kyon ki kabhi form bharne
ke liye apun ko 25 log ka pair jodna padta hai...



Apun jo hai na shaadi ke baad ek dam sudhar jaayinga,
iman se... apun ka baccha log ko pada likah ke tapori
banayinga... bole to Tapori Doctor, Tapori Computerwala
aur bohut kuch...



Maa kasam shaadi ke baad apun
ek bhi chikni ko line nahi dega re...



Dekho baap apun shaadi ke baad me koi chokri ki phamily
ka lafda nahi chahiye han bole to kabab me haddi nahi
baane ka kya!



Abhi yeah sub accha lage to apun
ko contact karne ka, kya?



Chota Pakia
Pappu Pager Ka Right Hand
Shan Pati Nagar, Gali No. 420
Pareshan Road, Bhai Ka Area.

Matrimonial ads

These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi . com These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and
spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...

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- Hello To Viewers
My Name is Sowmya,
I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...
when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or
send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards
Sowmya ~*~
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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?) (n y Orrisa only)
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a
first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.
Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY
TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})
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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate
ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
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iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)
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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )
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iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'.
i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)
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Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.
(Zebra..???)
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Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my

home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u welcome to my heart...

when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or

send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards Sowmya

Most Hilarious Reply to a Matrimonial Ad

Dear Madam:

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Amritsar . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce alot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking (only a Kingfisher in the evenings) but I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand. If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours,

Choudhary Bash Warraich,
born by mother in Bhindra di galli and become big,
and moneyed in Amritsar, Punjab

Field Test

An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.

When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand.

"Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."

The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl."

Honest HR Question & their Answers

Honest HR Question n their Answers
If we were to Honestly reply to all the HR Questions they would go something like this (wondering what d reaction of d Interviewer wud b!):

1. Why did you apply for this job?
A: I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now...
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
A: I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind ...

3. Why should I hire you?
A: You anyways have to hire some one, you may give me a try ...

4. What would you do if we hire you?
A: Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is allotted to me ...

5. What is your biggest strength?
A: Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company...
6. What is your biggest weakness?
A: Girls
7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
A: Joining my earlier company and learn that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today! ...

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
A: Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there...

9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
A: Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that...

10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
A: For the same reason why you left your earlier job... More money!...

11. What do you want from this job?
A: Even if no work is given, keep giving good hikes ...

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
A: Make more money and for that, keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs...

13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
A: Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website ...

14. What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?
A: Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30% !!!!)

Why Indians are targeted Abroad ?

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let us begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F**k the Indians.'

'Now,who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? S**k this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997! '

Now with almost mob hysteria, someone said 'You little sh*t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson (RIP) to the child witnesses testifying against him - 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And, as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh sh*t, we're screwed!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".(recession)

Does MD know their Staff?

On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing..

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such apersonal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
"Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!

Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies to everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man I just fired?" To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"