Vicky, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a jeweller's shop in Connaught Place, Delhi.
The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'
Vicky thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'.'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'
Vicky retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Romantic 1st lines...and deadly 2nd ones
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
Friday, January 29, 2010
Jokes on premi-premika 3
- * TO IMPRESS A WOMAN *
Compliment her,
Respect her,
Honor her,
Cuddle her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hold her,
Spend money on her,
Wine and dine with her,
Buy things for her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Go to the ends of the
Earth for her.
BUT
* HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN *
*JUST SMILE ONCE AND HE'S YOURS*
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Love lust and marriage
- LOVE -When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE -When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
LOVE -When you share everything you own.
LUST -When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE -When the bank owns everything.
LOVE -When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST -When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE -When you phone each other to bitch about work.
LOVE -When you write poems about your partner.
LUST -When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE -When all you write is checks.
LOVE -When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
LUST -When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around.
MARRIAGE -When you're only concern is what's on TV.
LOVE -When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST -When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE -When just getting through the day is your only thought.
LOVE -When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
LUST -When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have fun.
MARRIAGE -When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.
- Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .
Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.
Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".
Conclusion:
"Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!!!" - Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
-A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
-The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
-Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.
-A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
-A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
-A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
-Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
-The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
-Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
-Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
-Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
-First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
-Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
-Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
-Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. - To my regret I have to postpone my wedding with Vasily.
- Why?
- I marrying Peter now.
--------------------------------
A woman sees a lawyer about a divorce.
He asks, Any grounds?
Woman: yeah, about 2 acres.
Lawyer: Do you have a grudge ?
Woman: No, we have a carport.
Lawyer: Does your husband beat you up in the morning ?
Woman: No, I get up before him.
Agitated lawyer: Well, do you or don't you want a divorce ?
Woman: No, my husband wants it... he claims he can't communicate with me!
--------------------------------
WIFE = Worries invited for ever
-------------------------------
A asked B ' What do u think of love marriage?'
B replied ' Well, see. Love marriage is like a span of 24 hours.'
A asked ' How and why do u say that?'
B answered ' See, during the daytime u are fresh and during the night u want to take rest. Similarly, in love marriage, before marriage you want to make love and after marriage you want to love someone else!!!!!!!!!'
-------------------------------
Before marriage he thought ' How can I not love her.'
After marriage he thought ' Ooooooooooooooh, why did I love her?!!!!!'
-------------------------------
A tells B ' My parents did love marriage. But no love after marriage.'
B replies ' My parents did arranged marriage. No love before marriage, but love after marriage.'
-------------------------------
Man before marriage is a free dog roaming on the street and yelling bow bow.
Man after marriage is a dog with a chain round the neck sitting and whining.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sweetmaker's Love Letter
Mithaiwala husband writes love letter to his wife:
Hello my dearest Rasgulli
Whenever I see your eyes I miss my Ras Malai
Your cheeks are like Strawberry Barfi,
Your lips are like Pendaas
Ears are like Kaju Katri ,
You taste like Kesri Jalebi
Your lovely smile looks like a packet of Ghund Paak
and to end it all, because of U, now I have diabetes
Hello my dearest Rasgulli
Whenever I see your eyes I miss my Ras Malai
Your cheeks are like Strawberry Barfi,
Your lips are like Pendaas
Ears are like Kaju Katri ,
You taste like Kesri Jalebi
Your lovely smile looks like a packet of Ghund Paak
and to end it all, because of U, now I have diabetes
Software love letter
Hi gud morning
Sweetheart,
I've seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and
realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time
I've been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a
real debugger for me now.
My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an
executable code and hence is useless.
You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are
attractive as well.
Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power
equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program
modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /*which I never
experienced before.*/
With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked
together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a
human being to live an error free life.
Also don't bother about the firewall which may be created by our
parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break
their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage.
I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so
that my connect script will fail.
And it's all but certain that if
this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.
Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of
your inbox. Error free...
Sweetheart,
I've seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and
realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time
I've been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a
real debugger for me now.
My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an
executable code and hence is useless.
You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are
attractive as well.
Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power
equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program
modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /*which I never
experienced before.*/
With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked
together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a
human being to live an error free life.
Also don't bother about the firewall which may be created by our
parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break
their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage.
I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so
that my connect script will fail.
And it's all but certain that if
this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.
Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of
your inbox. Error free...
Mathematician Love Letter
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with your cute circular face,
conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your
triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set,
but when a vector of magnitude (likeness)
from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians
made a tangent to my heart,it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real
roots,
which only you can solve by making
good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial
functions but if I do so, you can integrate me.
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with your cute circular face,
conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your
triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set,
but when a vector of magnitude (likeness)
from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians
made a tangent to my heart,it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real
roots,
which only you can solve by making
good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial
functions but if I do so, you can integrate me.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Love letter in form of questionaire and reply to it
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
*My Dearest **Reshma*,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me
because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped
singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide
it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and
you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on
your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M
because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. *Don't delay in
expressing it.*
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's
getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in
confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
*Love*, Akshay
Reshma's reply letter was also in *Q/A format*........
*Akshay*,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class,
sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop
singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... Right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (*Anjali*) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
**********
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it
true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. *I come
daily to Temple*. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you.
If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
*Hope everything is clear to you*.
*My Dearest **Reshma*,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me
because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped
singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide
it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and
you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on
your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M
because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. *Don't delay in
expressing it.*
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's
getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in
confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
*Love*, Akshay
Reshma's reply letter was also in *Q/A format*........
*Akshay*,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class,
sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop
singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... Right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (*Anjali*) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
**********
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it
true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. *I come
daily to Temple*. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you.
If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
*Hope everything is clear to you*.
The corporate love letter
In today's world of MBA's, the old fashioned Love-Letter is being replaced by such 'Corporate' Love-Letters, go ahead and read on.
Dearest Ms. _____,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you. Since the 25th of December 2008. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 24 th of December 2008 at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of all your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without any further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation.
Dearest Ms. _____,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you. Since the 25th of December 2008. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 24 th of December 2008 at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of all your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without any further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation.
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