* Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
* There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know
* When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
* If at first you don't succeed, redefine success
* Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case
* If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
* For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
* Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
* I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
* As I said before, I never repeat myself
* Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache
* If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
Showing posts with label one-liners. Show all posts
Showing posts with label one-liners. Show all posts
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Dilbert one liners
1. I say no to alcohol,
It just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way
You're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train..
7. Born free,
Taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory,
Some just don't have film..
9. Life is unsure;
Always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile,
It makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground,
You'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses,
They are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer...
What I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.
The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech,
Why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind,
Are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush,
Leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them,
Confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you.
It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes,
So, I made your horn louder!
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass.
24. The cigarette does the smoking,
You are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week.
26. Whenever I find the key to success,
Someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human,
To forgive is not a company policy.
28. The road to success....
Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems,
But, if you think again, neither does milk.
30. In order to get a loan,
You first need to prove that you don't need it.
And my favourite ...
31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.
It just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way
You're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train..
7. Born free,
Taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory,
Some just don't have film..
9. Life is unsure;
Always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile,
It makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground,
You'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses,
They are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer...
What I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.
The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech,
Why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind,
Are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush,
Leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them,
Confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you.
It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes,
So, I made your horn louder!
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass.
24. The cigarette does the smoking,
You are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week.
26. Whenever I find the key to success,
Someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human,
To forgive is not a company policy.
28. The road to success....
Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems,
But, if you think again, neither does milk.
30. In order to get a loan,
You first need to prove that you don't need it.
And my favourite ...
31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.
Some funny points
1
Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
"Saints"
But now they are called..
"IT professionals"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
2
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
3
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
4
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has fallen off"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
5
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
6
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee...
..... Leave them to us
Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
"Saints"
But now they are called..
"IT professionals"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
2
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
3
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
4
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has fallen off"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
5
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- ---
6
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee...
..... Leave them to us
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