Lost balloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field. "

"You must be an engineer", says the balloonist.

"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must be in management."

"I am", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault. "

SOFTWARE HUSBAND

Here is conversation between the software engineer husbands and his wife..........................

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card,i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

railroad engineer:

Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

a software engineer

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

An engineer in hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Devil up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Devil replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, lets see what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake "he should never have gone down there, send him up here."

Devil says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Devil laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right and just where are you going to get a lawyer, when all of them are here".

Top ten reasons to date an engineer

10. The World Does Revolve Around Us ... We Pick the Coordinate System

9. Find Out What Those Other Buttons on Your Calculator Do


8. Know How to Handle "Stress" and "Strain" in Relationships


7. Parents Will Approve


6. Help with Your Math Homework


5. Can Calculate Head Pressure


4. Looks Good on a Resume


3. Free Body Diagrams


2. High Starting Salary


1. Lifetime supply of "Dilbert" calendars