All ants were bathing in a pool...
Just then an eleplant comes and jumps in the pool..
All ants got out of water...
One ant climbs at the back of the elephant.. and all other ants started shouting at him...
Now the question is what does they tell him???
Socho socho...
Socho socho.....
all ants starts saying....
"DUBA DUBA KE MAAR SALE KO...."
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Bravery: Guts vs Balls
We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the A*s and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the A*s and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.
Difference between focussing on problem and focussing on solution
Here are 2 excellent cases on, ' Difference between focusing on
problems & focusing on solutions'
Case 1
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out
that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the
writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12
million.
They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a
temperature
range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.
Case 2
One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the
case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan 's biggest
cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had
bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated
the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the packaged
boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox
went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to
solve the problem.
Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with
high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes
that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No
doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee
amount
to do so.
But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the
same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but
instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial
electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line.
He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply
blew the empty boxes out of the line.
Moral : Always look for simple solutions.
Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems.
Always Focus on solutions & not on problems.
So the end of the day the thing that really matters is HOW ONE LOOK
INTO THE PROBLEM, mere
perceptions can solve the tough problems.
problems & focusing on solutions'
Case 1
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out
that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the
writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12
million.
They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a
temperature
range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.
Case 2
One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the
case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan 's biggest
cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had
bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated
the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the packaged
boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox
went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to
solve the problem.
Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with
high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes
that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No
doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee
amount
to do so.
But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the
same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but
instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial
electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line.
He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply
blew the empty boxes out of the line.
Moral : Always look for simple solutions.
Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems.
Always Focus on solutions & not on problems.
So the end of the day the thing that really matters is HOW ONE LOOK
INTO THE PROBLEM, mere
perceptions can solve the tough problems.
Problems with guys
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from Alibagh.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh ?)
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMEN.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please !!!!!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true ..
but if u don't, they say u are selfish ..
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from Alibagh.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh ?)
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMEN.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please !!!!!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true ..
but if u don't, they say u are selfish ..
Family problems
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage.
I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson..
And you say you have family problems..
The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage.
I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson..
And you say you have family problems..
Kiss definition
| Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: |
 A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. - Prof. of Computer Science |
| A kiss is two divided by nothing. - Prof. of Algebra |
| A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. - Prof. of Geometry |
| A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. - Prof. of Physics |
| A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. - Prof. of Chemistry |
| A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. - Prof. of Zoology |
| A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction. - Prof. of Physiology |
| A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. - Prof. of Dentistry |
| A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. - Prof. of Accountancy |
| A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. - Prof. of Economics |
| A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36. - Prof. of Statistics |
| A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. - Prof. of Philosophy |
| Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term. - Prof. of Engineering |
| A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all. - Prof. of English |
Monday, February 1, 2010
Teacher student jokes 3
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Student: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson.
Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Harold: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
Teacher: Bob, I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
Bob: I hope you didn't either.
Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for
another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Vincent (sadly): You don't know my father.
Teacher: If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the
other, what would I have?
Class Comedian: Big hands!
Student: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson.
Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Harold: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
Teacher: Bob, I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
Bob: I hope you didn't either.
Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for
another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Vincent (sadly): You don't know my father.
Teacher: If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the
other, what would I have?
Class Comedian: Big hands!
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