Personality Definitions probable in-built characteristic
OUTGOING PERSONALITY Always going out of the office
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ALSO ACTIVE SOCIALLY Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES Is tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT Lucky one
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR Knows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDED Must be Back Stabber
LOYAL Can't get a job anywhere else
Showing posts with label test. Show all posts
Showing posts with label test. Show all posts
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Test yourself
So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin. WELL, MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
1. What do you put in a toaster?
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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
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2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.
It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water"
then proceed to question 3.
*******
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said "glass,"
then! go on to Question 4.
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4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany(If you will recall, Germanyat the time was politically divided into West Germanyand East Germany.)
Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germanyand West Germany.
Where would you bury the survivors? East Germanyor West Germanyor in "no man's land"?
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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,
you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors",
then proceed to the next question.
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5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Londonto MilfordHaven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.
In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at MilfordHaven. What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
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Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.
(PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions!!)
OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin. WELL, MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
1. What do you put in a toaster?
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.
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.
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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
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2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.
It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water"
then proceed to question 3.
*******
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said "glass,"
then! go on to Question 4.
*********
4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany(If you will recall, Germanyat the time was politically divided into West Germanyand East Germany.)
Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germanyand West Germany.
Where would you bury the survivors? East Germanyor West Germanyor in "no man's land"?
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.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,
you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors",
then proceed to the next question.
*********
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Londonto MilfordHaven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.
In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at MilfordHaven. What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
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Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.
(PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions!!)
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Promotion test
The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant Slot available.
The colonel called the first candidate his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1500, what would you do?"
The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging. "
"You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted.
The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate.
"Sir," said the next Lt., "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . "
"You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate.
Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, "Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole in front of HQ by 1500!"
"You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
The colonel called the first candidate his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1500, what would you do?"
The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging. "
"You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted.
The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate.
"Sir," said the next Lt., "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . "
"You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate.
Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, "Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole in front of HQ by 1500!"
"You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Bath tub test
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and
this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum,
a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether
or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum,
a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether
or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
Pregnancy test
A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!
He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"
He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!
He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"
He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Field Test
An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.
When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand.
"Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl."
When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand.
"Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl."
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