Saturday, February 20, 2010

Smart one-liners

* Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
* There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know
* When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
* If at first you don't succeed, redefine success
* Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case
* If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
* For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
* Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
* I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
* As I said before, I never repeat myself
* Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache
* If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

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